How to Survive Mother’s Day During Difficult Seasons
Mother’s Day. Those two words alone can trigger a complex storm of emotions for many of us. While social media floods with picture-perfect brunches and flower arrangements, the reality for many mothers looks vastly different. I remember my first Mother’s Day after my son was born; rather than feeling the bliss depicted in greeting cards, I was deep in the fog of postpartum depression, barely able to acknowledge the day through my tears and rage.
If you’re approaching this Mother’s Day with a heavy heart, exhausted mind, or broken spirit, I want you to know you’re not alone. Whether you’re battling postpartum depression like I was, grieving a loss, parenting through a crisis, or simply feeling overwhelmed by the weight of motherhood, this post is your permission slip to honor your journey authentically, without the pressure of performative celebration.
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Why Mother’s Day Can Be So Difficult
Before we dive into strategies for survival, it’s important to acknowledge why this holiday can be so painful for many women. As both a psychology graduate and someone who has lived through maternal mental health challenges, I’ve seen how these struggles are often intensified by the expectations surrounding Mother’s Day.
The Gap Between Expectation and Reality
The commercialized version of Mother’s Day sets impossible standards. Breakfast in bed is served by smiling children. Thoughtful gifts. A day of relaxation and appreciation. But what about when:
- You’re so deep in postpartum depression that you can barely get out of bed
- You’re grieving the loss of your own mother or a child
- You’re a military spouse handling parenting alone during deployment (a reality I saw many face during my time in the Air Force)
- You’re in the trenches with a challenging child or a child with special needs
- You’re experiencing fertility struggles or pregnancy loss
- You’re a single mother without support
- You’re simply exhausted and burned out
The contrast between the Mother’s Day you’re “supposed” to have and your lived reality can create profound feelings of isolation and inadequacy.
The Pressure to Perform Happiness
Perhaps most damaging is the cultural expectation that mothers should appear grateful and joyful on this day, regardless of their actual emotional state. During my battle with postpartum depression, I remember forcing a smile for photos while feeling absolutely nothing inside, then experiencing crushing guilt for not feeling the happiness I “should” have felt.
As my studies in psychology and social work have taught me, this kind of emotional labor—pretending to feel emotions we don’t—creates an additional psychological burden during already difficult times.
Reframing Mother’s Day: It’s Your Day
The first step in surviving Mother’s Day during a difficult season is to reclaim what the day means. Despite what the greeting card industry tells us, there is no “right way” to celebrate or not celebrate this day.
Permission to Decline Celebrations
If traditional celebrations feel overwhelming or painful right now, you have full permission to opt out. When I was struggling with postpartum rage, my husband suggested canceling our planned Mother’s Day lunch with extended family. His simple words, “This day should support you, not drain you,” gave me the permission I needed to protect my mental health.
Some gentle ways to decline:
- “I’m keeping Mother’s Day low-key this year and taking some quiet time for myself.”
- “I appreciate the invitation, but I’m not up for celebrating this year.”
- “I’d prefer to postpone our celebration until I’m feeling more myself.”
Remember: those who truly love you will understand your needs.
Creating Your Own Definition
Rather than abandoning the day entirely, consider redefining what Mother’s Day means for you in this season. Perhaps it becomes:
- A day of radical self-compassion
- A quiet acknowledgment of your strength through struggle
- A day to connect with other mothers who understand
- Simply another Sunday, without special significance
For my second Mother’s Day, still dealing with the remnants of postpartum depression, I decided the day would be about honoring my resilience rather than celebrating the role itself. I spent an hour alone with a journal, acknowledging both my struggles and my courage. That small ritual felt more healing than any traditional celebration could have been.
Practical Strategies for Different Struggles
For the Mother Battling Mental Health Challenges
If you’re navigating depression, anxiety, or other mental health struggles this Mother’s Day, consider these approaches:
- Lower the bar intentionally: Rather than aiming for a “perfect” day, set the smallest possible goal. Maybe it’s simply allowing yourself to receive a card without self-criticism, or spending five minutes acknowledging your efforts as a mother.
- Prepare support people in advance: Be specific with partners, older children, or friends about what would actually help you. When I was struggling, I created a simple list for my husband: “No surprise parties. No social media posts about me. Yes to coffee and two hours alone to read.”
- Create a comfort toolkit: Gather items that provide genuine comfort; a soft blanket, a book that transports you elsewhere, and an aromatherapy diffuser with calming scents. Have these ready for moments when emotions become overwhelming.
- Schedule therapy around the day: If possible, book a therapy session shortly before or after Mother’s Day to process your feelings with professional support.
- Find solidarity: Sometimes the most healing gift is knowing you’re not alone. Books like Raising a Happier Mother: How to Find Balance, Feel Good, and See Your Children Flourish as a Result helped me feel seen during my darkest days. Online communities specifically for mothers with mental health challenges can also provide crucial support.
For the Grieving Mother on Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day can be especially painful for those experiencing grief, whether you’re mourning the loss of your own mother, a child, or the mother you hoped to be.
- Create a simple ritual of remembrance: Light a candle, plant something, or write a letter. These small acts acknowledge your grief without overwhelming you.
- Set boundaries around triggering events or conversations: Give yourself permission to avoid brunches, church services, or other events that might intensify your grief.
- Connect with understanding support: Consider reaching out to a grief support group or others who understand your specific loss. Sometimes shared silence is more comforting than well-meaning but painful platitudes.
- Honor the relationship, not just the day: If you’re grieving your mother, consider engaging in an activity she loved or using memory-preserving journals to record special memories when you feel ready.
- Acknowledge ambivalent grief: If your relationship with your mother was complicated, or if you’re grieving the mother you wished you had, complex feelings are normal. Resources like Complicated Grief: How to Understand, Express, and Reconcile Your Especially Difficult Grief can help navigate these emotions.
For the Exhausted and Overwhelmed Mother
Sometimes the struggle isn’t tied to a specific condition but simply the cumulative weight of maternal burnout and exhaustion.
- Make radical rest your celebration: Instead of adding more to your plate, consider making rest your Mother’s Day gift. This weighted blanket designed for anxiety relief has been one of my best investments for forced relaxation.
- Delegate explicitly: Create a specific list of tasks that others can take off your plate. Not just on Mother’s Day, but in the days surrounding it.
- Identify one area for real support: Rather than flowers or chocolate, consider asking for help with something that would create lasting relief: a few hours of childcare each week, a meal delivery subscription, or help researching resources for a challenge you’re facing.
- Honor your physical needs: Motherhood often means putting physical needs last. Use this day to reconnect with your body through gentle movement, adequate hydration, or simply giving yourself permission to nap when needed.
- Capture the real story: Instead of curated photos, consider documenting your authentic motherhood journey. Journaling apps for mothers provide private spaces to record your true experience without judgment.
When You’re the Support Person: How to Really Help
If your partner, friend, or family member is struggling this Mother’s Day, here are ways to genuinely support them:
- Ask directly what would feel supportive and believe their answer
- Remove pressure to participate in celebrations that feel overwhelming
- Handle logistics like declining invitations or managing family expectations
- Protect them from well-meaning but harmful comments or advice
- Validate their experience without trying to fix or brighten their mood
My husband’s greatest gift during my postpartum struggle wasn’t flowers or cards—it was his consistent message: “Your feelings are real and valid. I’m here no matter what they are.”
Creating New Traditions for Difficult Seasons
Sometimes the most healing approach is creating new traditions that honor your current reality while providing gentle support. Here are some alternatives to traditional celebrations that readers in my community have found helpful:
The Self-Compassion Ritual
Set aside 15-30 minutes on Mother’s Day for a formal practice of self-compassion. This might include:
- Writing yourself a letter from the perspective of a loving friend
- Using self-compassion meditations (I recommend self-compassion audiobook or guided meditation)
- Creating a small self-care package with items that soothe your senses
The Solidarity Circle
Connect with other mothers who understand the struggle. This might be:
- A brief video call with trusted friends who won’t require emotional performance
- A text thread where you can all share honest reflections
- An online support group specific to your situation
The Minimal Acknowledgment
If completely ignoring the day creates more tension than relief, consider a minimal acknowledgment:
- A simple card exchange
- A five-minute check-in with loved ones
- A small ritual like lighting a candle or sharing a brief gratitude moment
The Alternative Focus Day for Mother’s Day
Redirect the day’s energy toward something unrelated to motherhood:
- Engage in a hobby that predates your motherhood identity
- Volunteer for a cause you care about
- Focus on learning something new
During one particularly difficult season, I spent Mother’s Day working on my blog—connecting with a passion that had nothing to do with my motherhood journey and everything to do with my individual identity.
A Note on Timeline: Healing Isn’t Linear
An important truth I’ve learned both personally and through my psychology studies: healing doesn’t follow a predictable timeline. Some years, Mother’s Day may feel manageable or even joyful. Other years, even after you thought you’d moved past the hardest parts, it may trigger unexpected difficulty.
This non-linear healing is normal and doesn’t represent regression. Each Mother’s Day is simply a moment in time, reflecting where you are on a complex journey. The strategies that help one year may not be what you need the next. The permission to adapt your approach year by year is essential.
When to Seek Additional Support
While struggling with Mother’s Day is common, there are times when professional support is necessary. Consider reaching out to a mental health professional if:
- Your difficulties extend well beyond the holiday itself
- You’re experiencing persistent feelings of hopelessness
- Your daily functioning is significantly impaired
- You have thoughts of harming yourself or others
Resources like The National Maternal Mental Health Hotline (1-833-TLC-MAMA) provides free, confidential, and 24/7 support for pregnant and new moms experiencing mental health challenges, offering voice and text support in English and Spanish.
Looking Beyond Mother’s Day: Building Ongoing Support
While this post focuses on surviving a single challenging day, the reality is that difficult motherhood seasons rarely confine themselves to holidays. Consider how you might build sustained support through:
- Regular therapy with a maternal mental health specialist
- Online or in-person support groups
- Carefully selected books that validate your experience (Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts: A Healing Guide to the Secret Fears of New Mothers was transformative for me)
- Honest conversations with trusted friends or family
- Social media accounts that normalize motherhood struggles (I share resources regularly on my Instagram page)
Even small, consistent support can create profound change over time.
A Final Reminder: You Are Not Failing
If you take nothing else from this post, please remember: struggling on Mother’s Day does not make you a bad mother. It makes you human.
Some of the most profound mothering happens in these difficult seasons, the showing up, day after day, even when it’s hard. The modeling of authentic humanity. The courage to acknowledge when you’re not okay.
My son is now two, and while my postpartum depression has improved with treatment, I still have difficult days. What’s changed is not the complete absence of struggle, but my ability to hold my experiences with compassion rather than judgment. This Mother’s Day, whatever your circumstances, I hope you can offer yourself that same compassion.
How are you approaching Mother’s Day this year? What strategies have helped you through difficult seasons? I’d love to hear your experiences in the comments below.
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