How to Tell Your Partner About Your Postpartum Rage

Becoming a mom is one of the most transformative experiences in life, but it can also bring unexpected emotions—like postpartum rage. While postpartum depression and anxiety are widely discussed, postpartum rage often flies under the radar. If you find yourself snapping at the smallest things, feeling like a pressure cooker ready to explode, or experiencing overwhelming frustration, you’re not alone. Many moms go through this, and it’s important to communicate with your partner about what you’re feeling.

Affiliate Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links. This means I may earn a small commission if you purchase through my links at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting this blog!

What Is Postpartum Rage?

Postpartum rage is an intense, often uncontrollable anger that can arise after having a baby. It’s different from the occasional frustration of motherhood—this is a deep-seated, sometimes explosive anger that can feel out of character. It may come in the form of:

• Sudden outbursts of yelling or snapping
• Irritability over small things
• Feeling physically hot or tense when angry
• A strong urge to slam doors or throw things
• Guilt and shame after the anger subsides

If any of these sound familiar, know that you’re not a bad mom. Postpartum rage is often linked to postpartum depression and anxiety, hormonal shifts, sleep deprivation, and the immense pressure of motherhood.

My Personal Experience with Postpartum Rage

I had severe postpartum depression after I had my first son, who was colicky, and I had no village. It affected not only me but my husband as well. We had days where all three of us were crying because of our son being colicky and the sleep deprivation that came with it. I was as open as I could be with him. I wrote notes in my phone just trying to spill out all the emotions and put the feelings on paper.

When I finally shared my feelings with him, I made it clear that I needed to do so without any judgment, as that would have only worsened my postpartum depression. Thankfully, he was able to listen, and I sought the help I needed through therapy and medication. But while the medication helped with the sadness, I was then left with postpartum rage that took a toll on our household. It felt like the sadness had been bottled up, leaving only the anger behind.

By choosing the right time and reflecting on my feelings by writing them all out first, I was able to have an open conversation with my husband about how he could support me through the postpartum rage. It mainly came down to needing sleep and time to myself—no matter how little. Those simple but essential things made all the difference in helping me navigate that difficult time.

How to Survive Postpartum Depression

Why Talking to Your Partner About Postpartum Rage Matters

Many moms suffer in silence because they fear judgment or don’t know how to articulate what they’re feeling. However, keeping these emotions bottled up can strain your relationship and make you feel even more isolated. Opening up to your partner can:

• Help them understand what you’re going through
• Allow them to offer emotional and practical support
• Strengthen your relationship by fostering deeper connection
• Reduce feelings of guilt and shame

Your partner may not fully understand postpartum emotions, but with clear communication, they can become an ally rather than an unintentional trigger.

How to Prepare for the Conversation About Postpartum Rage

Telling your partner about your postpartum rage can feel vulnerable, so a little preparation can make it easier:

1. Reflect on Your Feelings

Before talking to your partner, take a moment to reflect:

• When do you feel the angriest?
• Are there specific triggers (lack of sleep, feeling unsupported, overwhelming noise)?
• How does your rage impact you and your family?

Journaling can be helpful here. If you’re struggling with words, consider using a guided journal like this postpartum mental health journal to track your emotions and patterns.

2. Choose the Right Time

Avoid bringing this up in the heat of an argument or when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Instead, find a calm, distraction-free moment—maybe after the baby is asleep or during a quiet walk together.

3. Use “I” Statements

Framing your feelings with “I” statements helps prevent defensiveness. For example:

• Instead of: “You never help, and it makes me so angry!”
• Say: “I feel overwhelmed when I have to do everything on my own. I need more help.”

4. Practice What You Want to Say

If you’re nervous about the conversation, practice saying what you want to communicate out loud beforehand. Writing down key points or even scripting your words can help you feel more confident and prepared. I wrote down all my thoughts onto paper and just let it spill out. I then gave it to my husband to read and asked for no judgement. This made it easier than trying to explain in real time.

5. Provide Context and Education

Your partner may not be aware of postpartum rage or how hormones affect emotions. Consider sharing articles, videos, or books on the topic, such as Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts by Karen Kleiman (available on Amazon).

6. Use a Visual Aid

Sometimes it helps to show your partner a visual representation of how you’re feeling. Consider using a mood tracker, an emotional check-in chart, or even a simple journal entry to help illustrate the impact postpartum rage is having on you and your household.

7. Suggest Ways They Can Help

Many partners want to help but don’t know how. Offer specific ways they can support you, such as:

• Taking over baby duties so you can nap or have alone time
• Encouraging you to seek therapy or join a support group
• Being patient and listening without trying to “fix” things
• Checking in daily with a simple, “How are you feeling today?”
• Helping with household tasks to reduce your mental load

Coping Strategies for Postpartum Rage

1. Identify Early Warning Signs

Recognizing small irritations before they escalate can help you take proactive steps to calm down.

2. Implement a Timeout for Yourself

Step away when you feel anger rising—take deep breaths, splash water on your face, or go outside for fresh air.

3. Create a Self-Care Toolkit

Keep a list of quick, calming activities: deep breathing, listening to music, podcasts, a walk or sipping tea.

4. Use Grounding Techniques

Try the 5-4-3-2-1 method: name five things you see, four things you feel, three things you hear, two things you smell, and one thing you taste.

5. Seek Professional Help

If postpartum rage is affecting your daily life, therapy can be incredibly beneficial. Whether that’s a traditional therapist or a mental health app.

Get the Support You Deserve with Online-Therapy.com

• Struggling with your mental health? Get professional, structured support from the comfort of home.
• Individual & Couples Therapy – Work one-on-one with a licensed therapist or strengthen your relationship.
• Live Weekly Sessions – 45-minute video, voice, or text sessions (Premium plan includes two sessions per week).
• Unlimited Messaging – Stay connected with your therapist whenever you need guidance.
• Proven CBT-Based Program – Work through an 8-section course with 25 therapist-supported worksheets.
• Daily Therapist Feedback – Get expert insights on your progress Monday through Friday.
• Holistic Mental Wellness Tools – Yoga & meditation videos, a journal, activity plan, and self-assessments included.
• Instant Therapist Matching – Start therapy quickly and switch therapists seamlessly if needed.
• Affordable & Flexible Plans – Starting at just $40 per week, with a 20% discount for your first month.
• No Long-Term Commitment – Adjust or cancel anytime with just one click.

💡 Take control of your mental health today! Sign up now and start feeling better with Online-Therapy.com.

You’re Not Alone In Postpartum Rage—Let’s Talk About It

Postpartum rage is real, but you don’t have to navigate it alone. Have you experienced postpartum rage? How did you communicate with your partner? Share your thoughts in the comments—I’d love to hear your experiences and support each other on this journey!

If you found this post helpful, share it with another mom who might need to hear this. And don’t forget to check out the Affordable Mental Health Resources You Can Buy on Amazon for additional support.